
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2418452.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Character:
      Armin_Arlert, Reiner_Braun, Bertholdt_Hoover
  Additional Tags:
      attempted_suicide, Manga_Spoilers
  Series:
      Part 4 of Pain_is_Just_Weakness
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-10-07 Words: 3963
****** How Could You? ******
by AlvaDomer
Summary
     What happens when secrets are discovered and murder isn't an option?
Notes
     Surprise surprise, another possibly triggering story from me. This
     takes place in the same timeline as my other stories, hence me
     putting it in the same series. However it is unrelated to Erwin. Just
     Armin being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Again.
                Armin trotted out to the barracks. He knew Bertholdt was there
relaxing, and Reiner was probably with him. He was hoping his could hurry along
a research report for Hanji with Bertholdt’s help, since Eren hated reading
with a fiery passion. It didn’t help that he had the word comprehension of a
third grader. At most.
 
                The windows were open, and Armin’s hand froze above the
doorknob as he heard voices float from underneath the warped glass. “You really
think we should tell them?” Bertholdt was murmuring, voice shaking, and Armin
could hear him cracking his knuckles nervously.
 
                “They should know the truth.” Reiner’s reply was unsettlingly
foreboding.
 
                “But how?” Bertholdt cried, and Reiner shushed him. In a
quieter voice, he continued, “How could they forgive us? They already know
about Annie.” Armin’s breath caught in his throat. “What would they do once
they found out we were the Armored and Colossal Titans?” All the color drained
form Armin’s face. It was so blunt; the admission of guilt was so painfully
obvious that Armin could feel his gut continually twisting tighter and tighter.
 
                What should he do? What should he do?! Reiner—Bertholdt—really
those evil creatures? They were his friends; his comrades; his brothers in
arms. He couldn’t just…just…if he told, Hanji would rip into them like a mad
dog. Or Eren might kill them before she got the chance. They’d probably be
tortured, spared absolutely no mercy. It had to be a joke. There was no way it
could be true.
 
                Right?
 
                But Armin felt the truth creeping up his spine like the hairy
legs of a venomous spider. And he recognized that feeling. It was fear.
 
                “I’m going to get lunch,” Bertholdt announced, and Armin
gasped, pressing against the wall and sucking in his breath. As the door
opened, his friend strolled right past him blindly. Seriously? It was that easy
to hide from him? Maybe the height difference was an advantage after all.
 
                He let out a sigh of relief. “Hey Armin, what’re you doing out
here?” Armin’s sigh turned into a startled gasp as his head snapped to the
right. Reiner was standing right beside him, his shadow looming over the blond.
 
                “I…I was coming to ask for Bertholdt’s help,” Armin sputtered,
motioning to the books under his arm. “But-but don’t worry! I think I can
handle it now!” his voice continued to rise as he struggled to remain calm. It
wasn’t working. Reiner took hold of Armin’s wrist.
 
                “I think we should have a little chat,” he growled, and Armin
immediately began twisting violently.
 
                “Reiner, let go of me!” Armin shouted, but Reiner ignored him,
dragging him into the empty barracks. As he kicked the door shut behind them,
Armin threatened, “I’m going to scream!”
 
                Reiner released him and Armin jerked away, rubbing his wrist
sensitively. “So,” Reiner leaned in, “how much did you hear?”
 
                Armin closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them,
narrowed with fury. “Enough,” he hissed, and Reiner crossed his arms. Trembling
with rage, Armin finally burst. “How could you?!” he cried. “I—we trusted you!”
Reiner cocked an eyebrow and let him continue. “You saved my life! And you’re
one of those—you’re both those monsters?! Why would you do that? What-” Reiner
made a sudden lunge for Armin, but Armin jumped back nimbly. His time with
Erwin had taught him to be much faster.
 
                Breaking into a fighting stance, feet spread to brace for
impact, he unsheathed his training knife. “Oooh, look at Arlert. What’re you
going to do? Try and slit your wrists again like at Trost?” Reiner sneered.
 
                Armin was hyperventilating. “I trusted you!” he snarled. “I
told you everything.” Armin squeezed his eyes shut as he was assaulted by
memories.
 
                Reiner and Armin were sitting on the lower bunk Armin and Eren
shared, waiting for their best friends to get back from training. The four had
been broken into teams of two, and if Armin hadn’t been paired with Reiner, who
knew when he would have finished the practice mission.
 
                “Hey Armin, if you could be anywhere right now, where would you
be?” Reiner suddenly asked, staring at the wooden slats of the bunk above.
 
                “What? Why are you asking that?” Armin questioned, caught
completely off guard.
 
                “Dunno. I’m bored.”
 
                “Well then…I would want to see the ocean,” Armin decided with a
curt nod.
 
                It was Reiner’s turn to look confused. “Ocean? What’s that?”
Armin lit up instantly.
 
                “It’s an enormous body of water!” he explained eagerly. His
hands were darting in the air as he grew more and more excited. “The strangest
thing is, the entire thing is mixed with salt!”
 
                “What the hell?!”
 
                “No, really!” Armin insisted. “If you let it evaporate, nothing
is left but salt! And animals can live in it! There are fish that can
completely filter the salt out, and-and there’s dogs with fishtails, and these
weird snakes that breathe like fish—but the dogs are mammals! That means they
breathe regular air like us, but they spend almost their entire lives in
water!” Reiner cocked an eyebrow.
 
                “Who told you this bullshit?” he snorted.
 
                “My grandpa had this big book, and it was all about the outside
world! There were amazingly detailed pictures and descriptions of the wildest
things I couldn’t make up if I tried!”
 
                Reiner crossed his arms. “Like what?”
 
                “Plains of ice, rivers of fire, and in a far off land there’s
desert that’s made of nothing but sand!”
 
                Reiner was silent for a moment. “…Really?”
 
                “Yeah!” Armin chirped. “And Eren, Mikasa, and I are going to
see it all!”
 
                “You’re not afraid of the Titans?”
 
                “My parents wanted to see the outside world, and nothing’s
going to stop me either!” Reiner gave him a slap on the back and laughed.
 
                “I underestimated you Arlert! Maybe you’re not as much as a
wimp as I thought.” Armin beamed despite his stinging back. Approval from the
seventeen year old felt more amazing than he imagined.
 
                “Thanks!”
 
“I thought you actually cared about me. And now—now this?” As Reiner took a
step forward, Armin stood his ground. “Stay away from me, Reiner,” he warned,
grip tightening on the blade handle.
 
                “You know?” Reiner asked, picking at his nails, “I really don’t
want to.” Armin didn’t run, predicting Reiner’s lunge.
 
                Instead, Armin ducked. Reiner lurched past him, hands grabbing
at air, and Armin pivoted on his heel. “You can tell me it was a joke now,”
Armin tried, swallowing hard. But he was ignored. Another sidestep and Reiner
rushed past him. It was like dodging a bull; put on a show long enough, and
eventually help would come to subdue the maddened animal. He was in the same
situation—the wounds wouldn’t have to be deep; just deep enough to act as a
distraction; deep enough for Armin to get away. “What are you going to do, kill
me?” Armin panted, measuring the distance between Reiner and the door. “So you
snap my neck, or you take my knife. Then what?”
 
                Reiner’s ugly smirk melted away. “You’re not going to get in my
head, Arlert,” he growled, but Armin didn’t hesitate.
 
                “Why? Afraid I’ll make you realize what you’ve done is wrong?”
Armin tested. When Reiner remained silent, Armin continued, “See? You’re wrong
and you know it! Eren and Mikasa’s mom is dead because of you! My grandpa is
gone!” he couldn’t stop talking. The longer he stalled, the more likely someone
was to walk in. “But you didn’t want those things to happen!” Reiner’s jaw
dropped. “You’re a good person; it wasn’t supposed to happen like that, right?”
 
                “Shut up!” Reiner snarled. “You don’t know anything about me!”
 
                “I know your name in Reiner Braun, and that you earned your
rank as second in our squad. I know that you’ve always been honest with all of
us, and that you’re passionate about your role as a soldier. And I know that
you wanted to see the rest of us succeed, because you care about us!”
 
                “Shut up, Armin! Shut up-shut up-shut up!”
 
                “I know that Bertholdt is one of the most important people in
the world to you, and that neither of you could have meant this betrayal! I
know that you’re good people—that you’re a good person, Reiner!”
 
“Don’t you bring Bertl into this, bastard,” Reiner spat, and charged. Armin was
ready. He crouched, knife still suspended, and sliced open the older boy’s arm
as he rushed past. “Crap!” Reiner let out a loud curse when the blade raced
down his forearm. “You motherfucker,” he hissed, grabbing at the open wound.
Armin flinched as specks of blood dotted his face.
 
Stay calm. He had to stay calm.
 
                “Look at what you did!” Reiner cried, shoving the open wound in
front of Armin’s eyes. The older boy’s face, contorted with more shock than
anything, slowly melded into one of sadistic amusement. “Nice try, kid.”
 
 
                Stay calm.
 
 
                A sizzling sound began to fill the room, and Armin couldn’t
tear his eyes away from the sight before him. Reiner’s open flesh began
stretching over the exposed muscle, merging back together flawlessly. There was
no scar.
 
                Calm.
 
                The blood evaporated off Armin’s face. He watched the last of
the condensation vanish into the air.
 
                Calm.
 
                “No…” Armin whispered, frozen in horror. “You…I…” one more
time, the phrase escaped from his lips, “We…I trusted you.”
 
                “Welcome to the real world, you naïve piece of crap. You should
learn not to put such blind faith into everybody. I guess I’ll be the one to
teach you that lesson.”
Armin turned to run. But when he spun away, Reiner grabbed his wrist, and Armin
plunged his knife into Reiner’s shoulder.
 
                There was no thought.
 
                No hesitation.
 
                Just defense.
 
                “Ow, that one really did hurt,” Reiner complained mockingly. He
reached up and plucked the knife like a daisy from the dirt. The blood
evaporated off the blade and Armin stumbled back as Reiner approached. “I don’t
think you realize just how much stronger I am than you,” he laughed.
 
                “Armin, you’re going to fall behind!” Reiner cried, and Armin
wanted to rear and snap,thanks! But then his gear was ripped from his back, and
Reiner slung it over his shoulder along with his own. That was sixty-five extra
pounds, but the older boy didn’t even blink. How was he so incredibly strong?!
 
                As they splashed through the rain, Armin clenched his jaw.I’d
rather die than live as a burden.He sprinted forward and snatched his bag back,
slipping it on with fire in his eyes. Reiner smiled approvingly. “You might
just live, kid!” he called, and Armin couldn’t hold back his grin.
 
                But that approving smile was gone now, replaced by one driven
by a need for revenge. Armin could hardly contain his puke, thinking back to
the times he would have probably failed out of training without Reiner. The
one-hundred-fourth was Armin’s family, and now…now this was happening. This
attack Armin still wasn’t sure was completely real. But Reiner grabbed Armin’s
shirt, threw him down onto his bed, and was quickly on top of him. “I’m going
to make sure you don’t talk,” Reiner hissed.
 
The bigger blond pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a body so thick with
muscle that he rivaled Erwin. He could snap Armin’s spine if he wanted to.
 
There had to be a way out of this. There had to be something he could say.
“Wait!” Armin squeaked. “What-what would Berwick think of you doing something
like this?”
 
                Reiner sucked in a painful gasp and Armin prayed the triggered
memory would bring forth mercy.
 
                “Pssst, Reiner, are you okay?” Armin whispered. Reiner’s eyes
snapped open, finding Armin leaning over him, face twisted with concern.
 
                “Yeah,” Eren added, his head popping up at the edge of the bunk
ladder. “You were screaming pretty loud.”
 
                “It was just a nightmare you guys,” Reiner sighed.
 
                “Need to talk about it?” Armin murmured softly as Eren climbed
up beside them.
 
                Reiner took a deep breath. “I…I told you guys Bertl and Annie
are from my village. Well…we had a friend—Berwick.” Bertholdt’s eyes darkened
and he stared at the bed sheets. “He was a damn good friend. And I just…I see
him. When the Walls broke, and the Titans attacked…” Reiner suddenly looked
like he was about to puke. “Our village is in the mountains, and by the time
warning came, it was already too late. We…we were attacked and…he pushed me out
of the way.” Reiner began pulling at his hair. “And I see him…damn it, I see
him. And every time he's reaching for me, screaming my name and then…then he’s
fucking gone and I…” he turned and punched the wall. “It’s just not fair!”
 
                Armin had never seen the older boy so vulnerable. Reiner had at
least a foot and almost a hundred pounds on him. He had always just assumed he
was as tough mentally as he was physically. Armin was a boy, but Reiner was a
man in his eyes, and men didn’t cry. Right? Yet there Reiner was, face
contorted with the pain of never being able to see someone again. “We all lost
someone that day,” Eren muttered, and Reiner nodded slowly.
 
                “I’m sorry about your friend,” Armin murmured. “He sounds like
he was really brave.”
 
                “Yeah…” Reiner replied, quickly wiping his eyes. “He was.”
 
                “Don’t you fucking dare go there!” Reiner roared, and Armin
screamed as his fist collided with his jaw. This wasn’t the strong supportive
soldier he had admired. Armin was being held down by a monster.
 
                As the first tears began to trickle down Armin’s face, he
gritted his teeth. “Just wait until Eren find out what you did to me. I won’t
even have to tell him—he’ll figure it out,” Armin tried, mustering up all the
courage he had left. But an involuntary scream burst from his throat as Reiner
ripped open his white pants, the button flying into oblivion. He was really
doing this?!
 
                “I’ve had enough of your shit, kid,” Reiner snarled, and
Armin’s pants were easily torn from his desperate fingertips and tossed on the
floor carelessly. At the sight of Armin’s legs, Reiner’s eyes bulged, a gasp
slipping through his lips. “Wait—Armin, what happened?” he asked, staring at
the vicious hand-shaped bruises that poked out of the edges of his boxers and
curled around his ankles.
 
                “Don’t suddenly pretend to care,” Armin spat. “I’m afraid
someone already beat you to me,” he added, his biting sarcasm eagerly digging
its fangs into Reiner’s ego.
 
                “You condescending little bitch!” Reiner snarled. “You don’t
think I can do it, do you?” Armin’s breath caught in his throat as he watched
the mounting fury in the older boy’s eyes.
 
                Trembling, Armin flashed a nervous smile. His patronizing tone
instantly vanished and was replaced by one honey-slick. “You-you really don’t
have to. You’ve scared me enough Reiner! I-I won’t tell anyone, I swear! You
really, really don’t have to hurt me.”
 
                Reiner grabbed Armin’s shoulders and shoved him against the
mattress. “There it is,” he hissed, and Armin’s face twisted with confusion.
“That innocent little grin you use to get out of trouble. Well guess what,
Armin? You’re not going to sweet-talk your way out of this.” Reiner’s eyes
continued to grow darker as he talked, and Armin was practically choking on his
heart as it leapt into his throat. “I always hated the way you wielded your
innocence like a weapon,” Reiner spat, and Armin began to whimper. “The way you
could twist your way out of punishment with those big blue eyes. Always acting
so pure; so damn fuckable.”
 
Armin felt all blood drain from his face. “I-I-” he sputtered. He still
couldn’t understand. Reiner couldn’t be serious. Armin had always looked up to
the larger blond.
 
But then again, he had looked up to Erwin too.
 
“I’m going to put you in your fucking place,” Reiner continued to growl. “Maybe
then we’ll see how you feel about threatening people. Didn’t your dad teach you
how to pick fights? You shouldn’t have messed with someone bigger than
you—especially me.”
 
Armin was hyperventilating audibly, unable to look away from Reiner’s furious
eyes. That wasn’t fair; Reiner knew about Armin’s parents. He knew because
Armin had trusted him; had told him everything. He blinked and all he could see
was the big brother he always wanted but never had. It felt like a blow to the
gut, hearing the mention of his father. What kind of brother would say that?
 
What kind of brother would do this?
 
“What did your parents think of you joining the military?” Reiner asked as he,
Bertholdt, Eren, and Armin chatted cross-legged on the two older boys’ bunk.
 
Armin averted his gaze. “Um, actually…no parents…not anymore.”
 
“Oh…oh shit, sorry Armin,” Reiner muttered. The smaller blond went stiff as he
was suddenly wrapped in a warm hug. His mouth parted slightly in shock as
Reiner held him tightly. The next thing he knew, he felt his lower lip
trembling, and he couldn’t hold back the tears. “Hey, that’s badass as fuck
that you decided to become a soldier on your own. I have no idea what I
would’ve done without my parents kicking my ass.”
 
The blonde's fists dug into the older boy’s shirt. “Thank…thank you, Reiner.”
 
Now Armin was back under Reiner, staring with horrified eyes that were quickly
welling with tears. “I’m sorry—I’m really, really sorry,” he sobbed, but his
fear fell on deaf ears. Armin’s shirt was torn open, but his shriek was cut off
by Reiner’s kiss. It wasn’t passionate. It was just as greedy as Erwin’s; only
happening to show Armin that he was the one in control; that Armin was at his
mercy. And that he wouldn’t be getting any.
 
As Armin pushed pathetically against Reiner’s chest, Reiner bit at his lip,
sliding off his own pants as he pulled at Armin’s soft flesh with his teeth.
Armin jerked back violently, ignoring the blood that began to dribble down his
chin. He was too terrified of Reiner’s raging erection. Armin turned to the
side and was finally able to vomit. Reiner was actually getting a kick out of
this. He was enjoying forcing himself on Armin. “Like what you see?” Reiner
sneered, yanking off Armin’s underwear. He flipped the smaller boy over,
gathering both of his wrists in one fist in spite of his struggle.
 
“Don’t, please!” Armin wailed as he was groped shamelessly.
 
Reiner’s knees dug into the back of his own as he took Armin in a headlock,
holding him in place so that Reiner could force his way into him. Armin’s mouth
popped open in a silent scream, choked off by the elbow around his throat, as
he felt the tip begin to press between his ass cheeks. “Stop-stop!” he shrieked
voicelessly, Reiner’s grip tightening the more he thrashed.
 
“You’re still tight as shit for not being a virgin,” Reiner grunted, and Armin
was racked with excruciating pain as Reiner struggled to fit. “Should’a got
lube,” he muttered as tears dripped onto the sheets. “Fuck it.” The pressure
left Armin’s hips for a moment then stars were shooting in his eyes as Reiner
rammed into him.
 
Every nerve in his body seemed to burst into flames, and Armin went limp from
how much it hurt. “You feel even better than I imagined,” Reiner groaned, and
Armin let out a high pitched whine. He clenched in an attempt to force Reiner
out of him, but the older boy only moaned, beginning to pump in and out against
Armin’s anal walls, which were straining against him to try to keep him from
going any deeper. “I like the long hair,” Reiner sneered as he entangled his
fingers in Armin’s locks, yanking the boy’s head back as he thrust harder and
harder.
 
Armin was finally able to release a scream, but Reiner quickly clapped a hand
over his mouth. “Shut up,” Reiner snarled, and with a thrust more vicious than
any other, Armin began to feel a warm liquid run down his thighs. “Oh shit,
you’re bleeding,” Reiner announced, and Armin could only continue to cry as
images poured into his head.
 
“Oh shit, you’re bleeding,” Reiner gasped, glancing down at the boy he had
snatched up, whose head was bouncing as he was carried like a football.
 
“Reiner, I have a head injury. You’re making it worse,” Armin wanted to point
out, but he was still too stunned by the fact that he had just been spared by a
Titan.
 
“Don’t worry, you’ll be alright. You’re safe with me,” Reiner assured him, and
Armin couldn’t comprehend whether he felt more scared or assured. Although, he
had just watched Reiner slice through a Titan’s fingers to escape certain
death.
 
Definitely more assured.
 
“Are you sure you’re not a virgin?” Reiner asked with mild curiosity, snapping
Armin back to reality with another painful thrust. Armin couldn’t remember how
to form words. Jumbled noises left his mouth instead, warped by a tongue driven
numb with pain.
 
He shoved Armin’s face into the pillow and began rocking even faster. He
snickered at the boy’s muffled squeals, finally moaning, “Shit, I’m cumming.”
He pulled out and thick ropes of sperm splattered across Armin’s back. Armin
continued to cry as the boy who he thought was his friend finished, groaning
through the last waves of pleasure. “Damn you’re disgusting,” Reiner jeered,
his face scrunching up at the sight of the bloody boy laced with cum. “I don’t
know what you’re doing in the military. You should be in a whorehouse where you
belong, you lying slut.” Reiner lifted up Armin by his hair and hissed in his
ear, “Because that’s what you are, right? A liar about what you think you know
about me—an easy one at that.” Reiner plunged Armin’s knife into the pillow,
narrowly avoiding his face. “Try anything and next mission? I promise I won’t
hesitate to kill you.” Armin never stopped sobbing. “I’m glad we understand
each other. Next time learn to mind your own damn business. You brought this
upon yourself.” Armin squirmed weakly beneath him, trying to shake his head.
“You know it’s true. So watch your fucking back.”
 
Reiner slithered off him and pulled his pants back on with a satisfied grin. As
his head emerged from the hole in his shirt he added, “Oh, and tell whoever
else is fucking you thanks for the sloppy seconds. I knew you’d be a good
fuck.” With that, he zipped up his jeans and strolled out the door, whistling
cheerfully.
 
Armin curled into a tight ball, his tears never-ending. The same person who had
protected him had reduced him to an abused little toy. Reiner was right. Erwin
had turned him into a worthless slut. He did deserve this. Why else would his
own friend do something like this?
 
Armin looked at the knife beside him. He slowly pulled it out and sat up,
staring at his reflection in the blade. No more Reiner. No more Commander
Erwin. He couldn’t take this.
 
Eyes shut tight, he held the steel against his wrist. Seconds crawled by like
hours before the knife finally slipped from his trembling hand, colliding with
the floor harmlessly. He was such a coward. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t even
end his own pain. He deserved all of this.
 
Just like with Erwin, slowly putting his clothes back on over his soiled body
was the only thing he could do. Accept whatever happened and cry. That’s all he
could ever do.
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